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I just finished uploading some pictures of my brother's car at the car workshop somewhere in Klang. The reason I did it is because somehow I felt that out of this accident everything started to change drastically. The better for my brother..and I have no idea about mine. The impact out of this tragedy is so great I will never ever forget. The pain, the frustration, the agony, the torment.

It is because that time I just started working in a new place. Barely a week and everything turns topsy - turvy. I still remember how difficult it was trying to adjust myself in the environment where everyone is very 'Malay' to the core. I am a Malay myself. But their kind of Malay at first looks intimidating,if u get my drift. I find it difficult to get along with one of the senior MLT. Always finding fault with me whenever she got the chance. I did not know whether she knew of the trauma I was in at that time. Now eventhough everything is fine but I will remember how she made me feel for the rest of my life. 

The day before I'm writing this blog a consultant came up to me and started to bombard me with her dissatisfaction with the TSH statistics that I've gave to the nurse-in-charge. Saying sorts of things all the nonsense trying to blame the lab and of course me. I just took over the workload, statistics and such and NO ONE was there to teach me. This job was supposed to be done by a senior MLT but he gave just one of stupid reasons to escape from being responsible that he was too busy with his office work that he got no time to do some bench work. I was not angry of the consultant that much. I couldn't care less about her situation as she too did not care about mine. But somehow I feel humiliated by that senior MLT's remark - It's not my job, he said. Men..no not men..I blame the administration..regardless which kind of the administration we're practising. So, there it goes another 2 people added in my list to hate/kill..whatever.

So, looking at the pictures of the 'deceased' car, I never knew that the car was my brother's pride and joy. He was at his happiest to actually owned a better second hand car (he likes second hand cars) unlike the car he had before. Mum told me that he did not cry but just stand there and look of what has left the car. Poor, Abang. I felt like crying when I heard that from my mom. Who knows maybe he's the one whose hurt the most when our parents parted. But on the bright side, he's got my new car, he can use whenever he likes until he's a full fledge aircraft whatever. 

In the end, having said all those stuff about listing people in my list to kill. I really hold no grudges towards anybody. It's not worth it. Makes me feel miserable. I only said those things just for the sake of it and not keeping it inside. It's because I learn to forgive and forget and let it go. Well, maybe not the 'forget' part.